'Cause I don't hate myself enough

I, on a whim, decided to start up a subsidiary blog to this one called Book club, Book club. It will feature only blogs about books I've read. Reviews etc.

This blog will more or less remain the same.

Enjoy!

In My Life I Love You More

It seems kind of perfect that the day I find out that Noel Gallagher of Oasis has quit the group - again (I think he's quit before), is the same day I pick up the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine with The Beatles on the cover - the headline readings: "Why The Beatles Broke Up."

Bands break up for all sorts of reasons - but at the heart of it they are not so different from the reasons why couples end their relationships. Miscommunication, jealousy, personal growth, spending too much time together, too much time apart etc.

I found the article informative and thought provoking. I learned some things I didn't know before about their working relationship during the last few years of their career as a band. I'd always heard and believed that it was Yoko Ono who broke up The Beatles, and that George and Ringo felt unappreciated. The truth, well the truth as formulated by Rolling Stone magazine, outlines a number of factors - but the main cause seemed to be conflict between the band's most notable members - John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

When you think about it, there are not too many bands out there with two strong leaders - with different styles of playing and song writing. The article points out the many flaws in each character and how it resulted in the legal "divorce" of one of the most prolific bands in music history.

In the end, the love you take should equal the love you make, right? Rolling Stone tries to take all the pages of sadness and heartbreak and turn it into a thing of beauty. A love story - even though it had to end.

People often have the "who's better, The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?" debate - when really, how do you answer such a question? The Stones are still playing and making new music - whether or not it's music that is widely recognized is irrelevant. No one knows what The Beatles would have done had they stayed together. For 10 years after they broke up the four members each enjoyed solo careers and new adventures separate from the mania that was The Beatles. Paul and Ringo are still making music today.

For me I like it like this. I like the flawed legacy they left. My first introduction to the band was The Anthology mini-series. At the time I wasn't aware that the three living members at the time were essentially reuniting for the first time in ages. A thing of beauty and of sadness. Just like seeing a lost love years later and realizing that you still care for him. All the bullshit is behind you. You probably won't get back together - it's too late for that, but it's nice just to be together for that moment.

As for Noel and Liam - perhaps they worked too hard at emulating the John/Paul dynamic - only taking it to a much more violent level. People will remember Oasis for it's brawling brothers and "Wonderwall," but they'll remember The Beatles for much more than that. Not to take anything away from Oasis - they're a fantastic band, but they didn't exactly make their very own Abbey Road.

Stormy

Today, I'm not necessarily in a good mood, but not exactly in a bad one either. I just don't feel right. Could be the beginnings of a cold, or a headache from the rapid drop in temperature. Could also be exhaustion from working a lot and not sleeping enough. Could be stress because I'm going nowhere in my life.

I feel stormy today - like at any moment I could erupt in a fit of thunder and lightning. Or, I could calmly move on and things will return to normal.

Diary of an Insomniac 4

I should know better than to stay up late thinking.

Future Playlists - interactive?

I'm running out of ideas for Tuesday Playlists - so here's what I propose: You pick the songs. Think of my blog as a radio station, and this will be the all-request hour of the program. What do I want to hear? What should I be listening to? This will probably fail horribly and I won't get 10 requests, but a girl's got to try.

I have some fall-back ideas: Back to School, End of Summer, Fall. If you'd like to incorporate any of these themes into your request that's cool too. You can pick more than one song, but I may "play" only one.

Also, I reluctantly posted a new poll. I wasn't going to, but I thought I'd just give it another try. I know I've said all along that I write this blog for me, but I am curious about what my few loyal readers like. You can vote for more than one thing.

Oh - post your song requests as a comment here, or email, msn, facebook, text message (if you have my cell).

EDIT: This is probably not going to happen, but I do enjoy learning about new music. So don't be shy.

itunes Playlist Tuesday! #7

I recently picked up “the brush” again and made a playlist to paint to. I chose songs that I felt were conducive to creativity. Though my artistic endeavours may not have yielded much of anything - the music is still beautiful - even if my work isn’t.

1. The CN Tower Belongs to the Dead - Final Fantasy: I heard this on the soundtrack for the film Everything’s Gone Green. It’s violin like you’ve never heard before.

2. Come Downstairs and Say Hello - Guster: I love songs that progress and change. The bongo/drum sequence at the end is more impressive if you see it live.

3. Unreachable - John Frusciante: New John Frusciante just makes me happy.

4. Wash Away - Joe Purdy: I first heard this song in an episode of Lost from Season 1. It’s simple and calming.

5. Since We’ve Been Wrong - The Mars Volta: I have a love/hate relationship with this band. I do like this song though.

6. Everything in its Right Place - Steve Adey: This is a Radiohead cover. I discovered Steve Adey by searching for Shelter in the Storm by Bob Dylan. Steve Adey does a really good, but lengthy version. Through that I discovered this. It’s pretty cool.

7. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Just because I love it.

8. Rebellion (Lies) - Arcade Fire: This song has a good energy to it. Helps with creativity.

9. Holy Shit (What a Relief) - Hey Rosetta!: For when your painting is almost finished. It’s like the cool down.

10. Still Water - Daniel Lanois: And you’re finished. Time to relax.

I have a lot of books

I've read a lot this Spring/Summer. And since summer's coming to an end (sadly) I've compiled a list of all the summer reading I've done in case anyone is looking for a new book to read.

The White Tiger by Aravird Adiga - An interesting and cynical take on the class system in India. It was sort of depressing.

Breath by Tim Winton - Now this book really is depressing. I thought I was reading a book about surfing, when really I was reading a book about damaging adolescent behaviour. I read this book because Rich Terfry (Buck 65) recommended it on the radio. Now he was in the middle of it when he said it was good. Maybe he hadn't gotten to the truly disturbing parts yet.

Sheikhs Batmobile by Richard Poplak - A non-fiction book about American pop culture in the Muslim world. Interesting look at how Muslim's consume American culture while still maintaining that they hate what they stand for.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris - A collection of personal essays by Sedaris, many of which focus on him moving to France and learning the language. Witty, charming and hilarious as usual. I recommend anything by him.

Microserfs by Douglas Coupland - If you're new to this blog, you would have missed my marathon Coupland reading. I recommend this to anyone who likes Douglas Coupland or anyone interested in the early days of the internet and the "geeks" that work at Microsoft.

Life After God by Douglas Coupland - Not quite a novel, but a collection of stories. He picks up these themes of hopelessness and spirituality later on in his novel Hey Nostradamus! A very short read.

Shampoo Planet by Douglas Coupland - A strange story of a young guy who was born to hippy parents, but lives his life as modern as possible. Typical story otherwise, finding love, losing love, finding yourself, doing what you love, making sacrifices.

Generation X by Douglas Coupland - Proof that the lives of 20-somethings, no matter what generation they lived in, are filled with similar struggles and disappointments.

You Suck by Chrisopher Moore - This book was $4.99 so I bought it as something to read and it was just that. A bit silly for my tastes, but it served it's purpose. It was also a sequel to another book I never read.

White Oleander by Janet Fitch - I saw the movie so I thought I'd read the book. The book is just as good, maybe better. The book has more in it than the film did. Both capture the beauty and tragedy the young protagonist encounters in a series of foster homes, while letting her imprisoned mother haunt her.

What I talk about When I Talk about Running by Haruki Murakami - I'm more than half-way done this book and I love it. As I wrote in my last post, it's a non-fiction book about the author's relationship with writing and running. It's inspiring.

Next: Zeitoun by Dave Eggers then Generation A by Douglas Coupland.

Also - I don't care about my poll results because not enough people voted. Boo.

Momentum

I just started a new book (surprise, surprise) entitled What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami. He's a Japanese novelist and avid runner. Since I dabble in both (neither seriously) I felt like this was the book for me!

The book is classified as a memoir, but really it's more of a journal. Murakami writes about running, but also writing. He compared the two in ways I'd never thought of before. And though this is not intended to be a self-help book - I feel like if I apply his philosophies to my own life I could really change for the better.

Sometimes I run fast when I feel like it, but if I increase my pace I shorten the amount of time I run, the point being to let the exhilaration I feel at the end of each run carry over to the next day. This is the same sort of tack I find necessary when writing a novel. I stop every day right at the point where I feel I can write more. Do that, and the next day's work goes surprisingly smoothly. I think Ernest Hemingway did something like that. To keep on going, you have to keep up the rhythm. This is the important thing for long-term projects. Once you set a pace, the rest will follow.

It's all about the tools of the trade. In running, you need shoes and comfortable clothes - that's the easy part. The part that gets you psyched out is the mental aspect of it - the fear. He also writes, "The hurt part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand any more is up to the runner himself."

For me I struggle to keep running, just as I struggle to keep writing. That is why I started this blog, as a way to feel obligated to write. Just as my iRun system on my iPod keeps me motivated to run more often, faster.

Maybe I'll never write a novel, or run a marathon - but I choose to keep standing. I'm stubborn like that.

itunes Playlist Tuesday! #6

iTunes Playlist Tuesday!

This week I’ve decided to look at my 90s music. When you first install iTunes they provide you with a smart playlist called “90’s Music.” So all your properly labeled music from the 1990s is organized chronologically.

For those of you who read my Facebook account, you may recall a note I wrote about a year ago about music entitled, “The Best Era of Music.” In it I wrote about how music never sounds as cool as is did when you were 11 to 18.

Since I was 11 in ’95 and ‘96, and was 16 when Y2K hit, this playlist consists of songs that made me feel cool even when I so clearly wasn’t. When I was being picked on and bullied ‘cause my clothes weren’t cool, and my mom cut my bangs crooked. I may have been born in the 80s, but I grew up in the 90s. To quote a recent Weezer song, “These are my heart songs, they never feel wrong.”

1 . Losing My Religion - R.E.M. - Out of Time, 1991: The song that started it all. I was pretty young when this album came out, but I remember it was one of the first few CDs my parents bought when we got our 5-disc changer. Oooo...new technology. Before this we had cassettes and vinyl.

2 . Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik, 1991: I didn’t actually hear this song in 1991, but I definitely heard it in the 90s. Much Music used to play this video a lot. I loved the opening with John Frusciante wearing that hat, and the scenes of Anthony running with his long hair in slow-motion. It was love.

3 . Say it Ain’t So - Weezer - Weezer aka “The Blue Album,” 1994: I could have chose Buddy Holly or My Name is Jonas, but something about this one always stuck out. I’m still a Weezer fan and will defend them against all you haters who say they used to be good, but now they suck! You suck! (See my blog from May 09).

4 . Wonderwall - Oasis - What’s the Story (Morning Glory), 1995: Grade 6 was a rough year for me. I was bullied and taunted so much I almost changed schools. I remember I got this album for Easter in ’96 and though it didn’t make me cooler at school, it certainly gave me distraction at home. I used to listen to this song at my friend Jacqueline’s house. For us at the time, it was like The Beatles.

5 . Sunday Morning - No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom, 1995: I worshiped Gwen when I was 12-13. I used to print out pictures of her and put them in my locker. I knew every song on this album. I remember I had a YM magazine with her photo on it that I saved for a really long time. Gavin Rossdale was also huge then too - Bush (or Bush X as we knew them here in Canada for a while) was at their peak as well.

6 . Just - Radiohead - The Bends, 1995: Remember when Radiohead was a rock band? Don’t get me wrong, I dig what they do now, but The Bends was definitely their breakthrough album. I remember quoting Thom York in an essay I wrote about music for Language Arts in grade 7 or 8. The video is also pretty memorable.

7 . One More Astronaut - I Mother Earth - Scenery & Fish, 1996: I loved this band and this song at the same time that I loved Our Lady Peace. I always thought the band names were similar. So it was this or Superman’s Dead by OLP. I chose this because I Mother Earth is no longer a band - well, maybe they are - but not with this lineup. After Edwin left I stopped caring.

8 . Where it’s At - Beck - Odelay, 1996: “I got two turntables and a microphone.” I was basically introduced to Beck VIA this song. I know Loser is the true breakthrough song, but I was a tad young to have caught that one when it was new. Odelay was part of the soundtrack of my ‘tween life. I remember drawing the album cover in art class in grade 7.

9 . Indestructible - Matthew Good Band, Underdogs, 1997: I’ve just recently forgiven Matthew Good for breaking up his band. I know his solo stuff is pretty much the same, but I was bitter. I loved Matthew Good Band. He’s the right kind of “dark” - not goth, punk, or metal - just intense music. Looking back, I was pretty young to be listening to this stuff. I couldn’t help myself. I would come home for lunch and listen to this song on repeat.

10 . Poets - The Tragically Hip, Phantom Power, 1998: Most of the Hip albums in my house belong to my parents, but this was the first to belong to me. Again, a memorable music video - the house with 100s of cats.

Tilden Lake - In photographs

I don't really need to write about my mini holiday up north. Here are some photos:

The brain, the athlete, the basket-case, the princess, and the criminal

My John Hughes poll has closed and it seems that everyone loves The Breakfast Club. I do too. Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles and Ferris Bueller's Day off all tied for second, with Uncle Buck in third, and none of my readers are fans of Weird Science or Some Kind of Wonderful. I haven't even seen those last two, so I can't blame you.

Most of my friends and I didn't grow up in the 80s - we were born in the 80s. So really we came to love these movies later - when 80s fashion was laughable. We weren't much better in the 90s though - with our neon clothes and side ponytails.

Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
Andrew Clark: ...and an athlete...
Allison Reynolds: ...and a basket case...
Claire Standish: ...a princess...
John Bender: ...and a criminal...
Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

I think I'm the basket-case.

Next poll: Hmmm...I'll have to think about that one. I've been all about HBO shows lately - maybe something about that.

Next itunes list: 90s music.

Also - a proper blog about my cottage soon.

itunes Playlist Tuesday! #5

This is my pre-cottage mix. This time I split my usual 10 songs into two sections: Road Trip Songs & Campfire Songs. Enjoy - watch out for moose and toast a marshmallow!

Road Trip!

1) Dashboard - Modest Mouse. “The dashboard melted, but we still have the radio.” - This one is the ultimate driving song. Disaster may strike, but as long as you still have music, it’s not so bad.

2) Hard Road - Sam Roberts. “Life is how you live it, through time, through time.” This one is necessary in my collection, as Sam is one of my many fake boyfriends. “Stay true to your friends, ‘cause they’ll save you in the end.”

3) The Hazard of Sitting Beneath Palm Trees - Hayden. I remember this video had a very cottage feel to it - so I’ve always associated this song with summer. Good for driving up north.

4) Miracle Mile - Down with Webster. This song is included for three reasons: 1. Song title refers to a distance, which works for the road trip theme. 2. The band name is awesome. 3. It’s just a good song - good for driving.

5) Road Trippin’ - Red Hot Chili Peppers. I couldn’t NOT include this one.

Campfire!

1) Fall for Anything - Jeremy Fisher. It’s a bit slowish - but I have been looking for a reason to include a Jeremy Fisher song for a while now. “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.”

2) For the Widows in Paradise, for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti - Sufjan Stevens. This song is a campfire song if someone brought a banjo. I guess you could play this on an acoustic guitar.

3) Small Time Blues - Pete Droge. I always loved this song from the brief scene in Almost Famous. I looked it up and it’s a real song. I think this would make for a good campfire sing-along.

4) A Case of You - Joni Mitchell. “I could drink a case of you.” My list lacks a female voice, but I think this makes up for it. The song has a definite Canadian feel to it, plus it’s just great.

5) Feather, Fur & Fin - Danny Michel. Perfect for sitting around a fire surrounded by trees and nature. Listen to the waves, the bullfrogs, the birds.

What Would David Sedaris Do?

I started this blog one day after my 25th birthday because I was tired of living my life all wrong. I was tired of saying, "I work at a coffee shop, but I have a degree in Professional Writing." I was tired of applying for jobs and getting no reply. I started this blog so I could write. I started this blog so I could write what I wanted, even if no one was paying me to.

Since I started this there have been a few times where I've wanted to write something but didn't. I work in a coffee shop - so I meet all sorts of characters throughout my day. I have bizarre little adventures that I want to share with you here - but what stops me is the thought of other people reading it. Wait, no, I want other people to read it - but what I mean to say is that I fear the people involved will read it and take offense.

My favourite essayist, David Sedaris (okay, maybe it's a tie between him and Chuck Klosterman) has written a lot of personal stuff about his life - not only his life, but his life involving other people. His family, ex-employers, and strangers he met. Now that he's famous and has published a hand full of books I can't help but think of the people he wrote about. I wonder if any have written him angry letters or tried to sue him for deformation of character?

I know I have like 4-5 casual readers of this blog currently - I know this because that's the average number of people who do my silly polls each week. But I have this blog linked on my Facebook account and I can't help but think that I may have more "creepers" than I know about. For this reason I won't write all the stories I want to. Maybe if you're my "real life" friend I'll tell ya about it in private. I'm no David Sedaris - and I'm sure he's got stories he won't tell either.

No Coconut Girls in a High Fashioned World?

Of the three votes I received, people chose most of the Judd Apatow projects I selected for my poll - except for Pineapple Express. I thought it was funny - but perhaps not my favourite. James Franco is pretty great - but he's also great in Freaks & Geeks. I still haven't seen Funny People - if anyone wants to go.

Also - I'm thinking this week's iTunes Playlist will be road-trip songs. Any suggestions? I'm going to my cottage Wednesday, so this playlist might actually serve me well.

Also, since John Hughes died - my newest poll will be similar to the Apatow one - Favourite John Hughes films!

As Fast as She Can

Today was a good run. I really feel alive and energized. Sorry, that sounds so cheesy, but it's true. I went for a really good run today.

I prefer to run solo - I don't like passing people even, 'cause they look at you weird like you're going to run them down. Today's run started out bad - I forgot my sunglasses and I got something in my eye before I even started. My eyes are really sensitive and my eye was stinging and watering badly. But once I settled into a pace it was going okay - the eye crisis was over.

Now I'm kind of a half-assed runner - I have terrible lungs, and cannot run for long without stopping for a bit to walk. I know - I'm lame. I also think I run too fast, thus I burn out fast. (I used to be a 100 m sprinter in high school and elementary - maybe that's why). Anyways, as I was waiting to run across New Street (a major road), I noticed another jogger approaching on the path I take. Knowing full well that he would be crossing the street with me - to re-join the path on the other side - I ran quickly ahead of him.

I hate passing cyclists and people walking dogs, but nothing annoys me more than to be running the same direction with another jogger. I don't want to be nipping at his heels, nor do I want him nipping at mine.

In my mind it was a race - not only did I have to cross the finish line first, but I had to keep him well behind me. The excitement of having something, someone to race against made the pain and struggle of running all but go away. I was so determined that I actually picked up the pace and sprinted the last 50 m. When I turned around I saw him. He was still a few car lengths behind me. Ha ha. I win.

Now, he was probably going for a much longer, well paced run, but I don't care. He continued on through the path, while I walked off down the street towards the park and home. I don't care that he's probably in better shape than me. I won.

The End.

P.S. Matthew Good Band songs are good to run to.

itunes Playlist Tuesday! #4

iTunes Playlist Tuesday!


Angry Pretty Things.

Not all of these songs are angry - but they are 10 of my favourites by 10 cool chicks :)

This isn’t a playlist for the kids.

1. Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple: Be kind to me, or treat me mean / I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

2. Elmo - Holly McNarland: Didnt say to come in / Where the hell have you been / I can see you’re excited / You can tell you’re invited / Justify your evil ways / Make up for lost days / Didn’t mean to close the door / When I threw you to the floor / Didn’t mean to close the door / On my personal whore

3. Not a Pretty Girl - Ani DiFranco: I am not an angry girl / but it seems like I've got everyone fooled / every time I say something they find hard to hear / they chalk it up to my anger / and never to their own fear

4. Hanging on too Long - Duffy: I was a fool for you / Right from the start, yeah / I was a fool for you / Hoping for a spark / For some kind of sign / That you would be mine

5. The Cheapest Key - Kathleen Edwards: A is for all the times I bit my tongue / B is for bullshit and you fed me some / C is for charity and now you're mine / D is for dollars but you're counting dimes / E is the exit sign backstage at shows / F is my favorite letter, as you know / G is for God loves a patient man / Who spends his days living in ego-land

6. Bloody Mother F&$#ing Asshole - Martha Wainwright: No idea how it feels to be on your own / In your own home / with the fucking phone / And the mother of gloom / In your bedroom / Standing over your head / With her hand in your head / With her hand in your head

7. The Way it is - Nicole Atkins: Don't tell me / My love's not the one that I want / That he's not the one that I need / I'd rather / find out for myself

8. Almost - Sarah Harmer: I almost dialed your number / When I thought the coast was clear / cause it's looked up for so long at me / And said call me please

9. Down Boy - Yeah Yeah Yeahs: I'll stand kind of pushed / kind of bent / on this heavy land / I'll stand for the sake of my friends / I will see him there

10. Everything’s Just Wonderful - Lily Allen: Why can't I sleep at night / Don't say it's gonna be all right / I wanna be able to eat spaghetti Bolognese / and not feel bad about it for days and days and days / In the magazines they talk about weight loss / If I buy those jeans I can look like Kate Moss

Generation X-Wing

I just now, on August 2, 2009, finished Generation X. It's funny how a book that takes place 18 years ago is still relevant to our millennium generation.

Here are a few relatable quotes:

Mid-twenties Breakdown:
A period of mental collapse occurring in one's twenties, often
caused by inability to function outside of school or structured
environments coupled with a realization of one's essential aloneness
in the world. Often marks induction into the ritual of pharmaceutical
usage.

‘“Andrew, wake up. Someone with his looks could have any bimbette with a toe separator in the state of California. That’s obviously his style. But he chooses Claire, who, love her as much as we do, chic as she may be, and much to her credit, is something of a flawed catch by Tobias standards. I mean, Andy, Claire reads. You know what I’m saying.”’
- Dag talking to Andy about Claire’s relationship with Tobias.


Anyways, I've gone through these Coupland books rather quickly. I started this summer reading project on June 25, 2009 and now I'm done until September when the new book is released.

My next book? You Suck by Christopher Moore. I bought it for $4.99 at Home Sense of all places. I read one of his books before, Lamb. This one is about vampires - which I'm skeptical to read, due to everyone's current obsession with Twilight and True Blood. The author is known for his comedic style - so hopefully it's a funny book about vampires.

Skimmin' Through Life

I think it would be interesting to have a one-on-one interview with a career criminal. One where he/she would answer openly and honestly about why he/she does what he/she does. I'd like to know why someone thinks it's a good idea to steal from people, why they lack remorse or guilt.

Yesterday I felt like someone backed into my car, left a huge scrape and then left me a note on my windshield that reads, "Sorry, I stole almost all of your money."

I am a victim of fraud....identity theft...skimming.

I always thought identity theft was a funny term. Like someone is out there being YOU. Lucky for me the only thing stolen was my debit card information - my pin, which I have since changed.

I don't even fully understand how it happens. Some scumbag installs some sort of card reading device. Copies my card and my pin and then somehow manufactures a fake card, which they use at a generic ABM machine to empty my account. There's some underground market where these types of devices are readily available for sale and low-life pieces of shit who can't seem to find a place in the real world choose to steal from hard-working people instead of asking if we'd like fries with that! It's not my fault you feel you didn't get a fair shake out of life. I work my ass off at my McJob just to pay the bills. And you're lucky I paid my bills before you drained my account, asshole.

*Serenity Now!*

Okay, so my bank reimbursed me for the money taken, and I signed an affidavit stating that the withdrawals in question were not mine. The bank was pretty good about recognizing the issue and had frozen my account at 8 am. (Dickwad took my money at 6 am).

Now I have my money back, well I have the bank's money - some loser still has mine. But I can't help but feel vulnerable now. I will definitely be more cautious about how and when I use my debit card. My card has a chip in it, but most stores haven't upgraded their systems to accommodate them - and by the time they do, I'm sure the bastards will have figured out a way to copy those too.

End of Rant.