It's recently come to my attention that I am a difficult person to be friends with. I don't want to get into the nitty-gritty of it - but I have a personality that doesn't suit everyone's wants and needs. I can be bitter and petty, stubborn and emotional, and controlling and insensitive. I'm not a monster - but I do like doing things a certain way and I don't often apologize for it. I'm not sure I have to - but that's another story.
I push away people who seek me out to hang out. For example, I was invited to a bon fire Friday night by a girl I haven't seen in years. I politely declined. At the same time I chase down people who politely decline my invitations. I can't really be mad because like I said above, I do it to people all the time.
So wanting to see this movie as badly as I did, and having no luck luring anyone to spare 2.5 hours to see it with me, I made the tough decision to go alone.
That's right, I had a me party - a party by myself.
I was terrified. 'Cause even though I can sometimes be a shitty friend, I have crippling social anxiety that makes me get all blotchy on my chest whenever I'm faced with an uncomfortable situation where I feel like I'm being judged by people I don't know. I used to hate sitting alone in mall food courts because I hated the feeling that people were watching me eat and thinking, "oh how sad, this girl has no friends."
This is how I viewed going to a movie alone. But the reality is that it's a stupid social construction. If you think about it, unless you're on a date with a boy who will hold your hand if something scary happens, a movie is a very private and personal experience. You are to remain quiet - if you don't want to be rude, so really you don't get to talk to your friends until after the movie is over anyways. I always like discussing movies after I see them, but I worry that the person I'm with didn't "get" it or didn't like it. I feel like I need to make sure they enjoyed themselves and I take it personally if they didn't - as if it's somehow my fault they didn't enjoy themselves. I felt like this when I dragged my now ex-boyfriend to see The Muppets.
So, today I drove to the movie theatre. I bought my ticket for one. I got a bag of peanut M&Ms and sat off to the side in a section with only two seats. I took the outer one so no one would try to sit next to me and I watched the movie just like everyone else. When it ended I got up, walked out and didn't feel all the weird at all. I didn't feel empowered exactly, but I didn't feel judged. I took away my opinions of the film and didn't have to explain it. I saw the movie I wanted to see and wasn't disappointed because the only person who could have disappointed me would have been myself.
I used to live a few blocks away from a cheap pub theater and I would go to matinees by myself sometimes when I was having a bad day. I think I felt a little awkward the first time I did it ("Where do I sit? What if the theater is full of couples and I look like a loser?"), but once I got over the awkwardness it became one of my favorite things to do.
ReplyDeleteAlso, how was the movie? I really want to see it. "The Great Gatsby" was one of the few books I actually read cover-to-cover in high school and I loved it.
If you loved the book you'll love the movie because it follows the book pretty much exactly. Not sure what the critic complaints were all about - I thought it was very good.
DeleteGoing to the movies alone is one of my favorite things. When you think about it, movies aren't exactly a social activity anyway, so I'd rather see movies by myself (unless it works out well with a friend) and spend my social time actually TALKING to people (also, why I prefer quieter bars to clubs).
ReplyDeleteI saw The Great Gatsby tonight (with a friend), and also enjoyed it. It wasn't nearly as much fun as early Baz Luhrmann flicks, but I did like it (and loved Joel Edgerton!).
I wouldn't say it will become one of my favourite things, but I certainly won't rule it out again for those "must-see" films. Yeah, I'm the same with bars - I like quiet pubs.
DeleteI liked Joel Edgerton, but he's not how I imagined Tom Buchanan would look. I always saw him as blonde in my mind for some reason. I think for it to have been as fantastical as say, Moulin Rouge, he would have had to cut more of the story out. Since it was adapted from a very famous book, I thought it was very well done - I thought it captured the story perfectly. Though the critics seem to be divided on it...but I don't really care what critics think.
As someone else with some social anxiety rolling around in her head the only thing I can say is: embrace the awkward. Awkward is just gonna happen whether you're an anxious person or not, so why not embrace it- make it yours :)
ReplyDeleteI've pretty much told everyone that I will not watch this film with anyone the first time. I loved the book, have read it more times than is probably healthy and even wrote a huuuge literary piece back in my educational days. Tl;Dr; I don't want anyone to ruin it for me /hype it up/ provide a running commentary.
ps: have you ever watched the video "How to Be Alone" ? It's really beautiful and moving: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
All I can say without spoiling it for you is that if you liked the book I think you'll enjoy the movie. They don't take too many liberties with the story. Please let me know your thoughts after you've seen it.
DeleteI went and saw Water for Elephants by myself and I LOVED it, not the movie so much... but going alone ;-)
ReplyDeleteI liked it more than I thought. I think going during the day was key. Less date-night-ish and more casual afternoon. I enjoyed the movie a lot, so it was worth going alone to. I think I'd rather see a comedy with friends though - I feel like laughing is more fun with company.
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