900 but Who's Counting?

Can you believe this is my 900th post? I bet I have the same number of readers now that I did for my first post. *Waves at Amanda, who is likely reading this*

It's a rainy-thundery night here in Southern Ontario and I'm up after binge watching TV on Netflix, listening to the rain and the rumbling sky and I feel anxious. I'm not anxious because of the storm - but because I am waiting for something.

I had a phone interview for my dream job on Tuesday - after I sent a thank you email follow-up, which I patted myself on the back for sending. The person replied that he'd "be in touch soon."

SOON.

soon.

s...oon.....

What the hell is soon?

Honestly, in some cases soon could mean anything under 6 months.

Example:

"When do you think you'll have that building finished?"

"Oh soon, probably in 5 or 6 months."

People like me do not like the term "soon."

I had a awful ex-boyfriend who would say he'd call me "soon." I'd end up calling him after waiting what felt like forever. I'm impatient and anxious by nature. I feel much calmer when I have a framework for things - a timeline. I am not impulsive when it comes to life changing events. I don't want to hear someone tell me something will happen "soon."

 I'd much prefer they tell me they'll let me know no later than next Tuesday. Don't keep me waiting. In the time that I wait to hear about whether I have something I can completely collapse with self-doubt, which is proceeded, usually, by extreme confidence.

Using the job as an example: I had the phone call, and it went well (I think), but I'm of course self-critical. Then I start to feel over-confindent and I start thinking about a fantasy life I could have if I got the job. I check bus routes and see how long it would take me to get to the office each day. I think about how fun it would be to work in a creative environment with designers and innovators. It's totally my wheelhouse. Then I start to crumble. I wonder how many other candidates he's spoken to. He said a lot of people applied. I bet there are people who applied who are way more awesome than me. This sucks. I start thinking that I have no chance. I have a bit of hope thinking maybe I won him over with the thank you email. Then it's the weekend - so I let go completely because their office is closed, so it's unlikely that I'll hear back until Monday at the very earliest, possibly later than that.

Now it's Sunday night and I feel like I can't sleep because tomorrow is Monday.

MONDAY

monday.

m...ond...ay...

It's a work day for many, but not me because I am unemployed. I want this person to call. I want him to change my life and tell me I still have a shot, I'm still in the game. I need this. This needs to work out...and soon, whenever soon may be.

Five Year Plan

Let's face it, job interviews are not designed for complete honesty. No one is so earnest and sincere that they answer questions 100% truthfully. The questions aren't asked for the truth in the answers - they're asked to seek the correct answer. The answer the interviewer is looking for.

It seems stupid to lie - dishonest even - but you're not really lying, you're just not expressing how you feel. You have to take the emotions out and answer with logic. I've done several interviews in the last year and I can tell you the answers I actually wanted to say versus what I really said are drastically different.

I once interviewed for a terrible call-centre position. In truth, this was not a job I wanted. I interviewed with them because I was having a rocky relationship with my employer at the time and was looking for an out. My friend worked at this place and set it up for me. This is the one time I had a hard time answering an interview question. He asked me:

"So is this something you can see yourself doing?"

I hesitated. He could probably see the fear in my eyes...the pain. I did not want to answer phones and provide tech-support for 90 year olds who can't figure out why their TV channels don't work. I couldn't lie because I didn't want the job.  It wasn't something I'm passionate about.

When we do want the job we do whatever we can - we don't fabricate things - but we maybe don't answer the question with the first thought that enters our head. The toughest question that requires this type of truth bending is:

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years."

You'd think, there's no wrong answer here, right? Wrong. The wrong answer is to say you don't know. This is sad, right? Because we don't know. We have no idea what will happen in five years. I'm a single female in her 30s. I don't want children, and finding love is not a priority of mine. I have a "if it's going to happen it will happen" attitude about relationships right now. I have no goals in that regard. My career is the only thing I can speculate about. But the question is worded wrong. It asks us where we see ourselves in five years, when it should really ask where we hope to be. Seeing ourselves in the future seems too set in stone, too permanent. Like if you were to fail to be in that position by 2019 you'd be a huge failure. But hope, hope can change. Hope is flexible. We can hope for something now, and hope for something completely different next year, or next month, or two days from now. The one thing that crushes hope is telling us that the future is already written. You are supposed to be here and doing this. But that's not how life works.

If I was answering this question truthfully I would say, "I don't know where I'll be in five years, but I hope I'm happy."

Right Place Right Time

I really hate it when people say, "everything happens for a reason." No, that's not why things happen. Things happen because events, places, people, and circumstances allow things to develop and change. Some things change because we intervene on our own behalf - making things happen for ourselves.

Fate alone doesn't work. You can't just wait and expect things to happen. But sometimes a serious of events seem to happen in succession and everything feels right. Everything is happening at the right time for the right reason. This has been my week.

A month ago I contacted a local charity regarding joining their committee on a volunteer basis. They got back to me and we got to talking and I revealed that I was a writer and offered to help with communications on behalf of the group. Without asking for samples, credentials, or anything, the director let me take the reigns of an article for the local paper that he was to submit. With his help I got quotes from residents to round out my story. It was published this Wednesday.

I was so excited to be published and all my friends and family were proud - sending me words of congratulations. I was beaming. That night I came across a posting on LinkedIn for a job that is pretty much exactly what I've been looking for. The best part of this is that I know someone who works there! So I quickly contacted him to say, "hey, help a sista' out." but in a much less lame way. Basically I asked if I could name drop him.

I made my resume super chic, because the company is a design firm - so I needed to pimp it out a little bit. I name dropped my acquaintance there and sent it off. In less than 20 minutes I had a reply! He wanted some writing samples and wished to speak on the phone early next week. Well, how convenient that I just so happen to have an article that was published just a couple of days ago to share. I also linked my professional blog/portfolio in the email to him. So I'm speaking with him on the phone on Tuesday afternoon.

I'm so excited. I know it doesn't mean I'll get it - but I feel like I've done everything right to lead me to this opportunity. Now I just have to sound awesome over the phone and cross my fingers and toes because it will then be in his hands.

I really need this!

Summer Reading

Sometimes I'm a real book snob. There are certain authors I love so much  that I basically NEED their first edition hardcover or I might just die or something. But sometimes I just want a crappy "beach" read. Not often, but sometimes I pick up something that's light and fluffy. This time it came in the form of a young adult romance called Landline by Rainbow Powell (yep, her name is Rainbow).

The curious aspect of this book was that it was a book written about a subject that isn't inherently a young topic - it was about a 37 year-old woman struggling with her failing marriage. The book was simplistic in its writing and had elements of magical realism (a genre I learned about in university). The fantastical elements of the story are what make it more a YA novel, while the subject matter remained mature. The elements of magic come from an old yellow landline phone that dials her husband's phone from when they were first together - giving her a chance to change her relationship, sort of like the movie Frequency.

But perhaps the concept of a marriage failing is something young people need to read about - the idea that a marriage isn't just a fancy Pinterest wedding with lots of gifts and expensive outfits. It's about a life with someone and how that's actually really hard. People aren't perfect. No couple will ever be 100% in sync. Children will change your relationship - not always for the better. This book reflects upon a couple who met when they were very young (university), fell in love, got married, had two kids, and unfortunately, made each other miserable a lot.

As much as I crave a good twist and a complex story, sometimes I just need some simple writing that I can read in three days then move on from. Landline, of course, had a happy ending - but sometimes you just need a good happy ending to buffer some more hard-hitting fiction in the adult literature section. Sometimes you need to believe that love is enough, even if it's fiction.